Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
