they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
