his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
