He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
