I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
