the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
