wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
