addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
