i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
