I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
