Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
