Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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