dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
