I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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