I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize