i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
