Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
