You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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