so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
