was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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