does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
