I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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