They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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