Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Im part way to drunk.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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