I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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