I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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