i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
