is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
