I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
