Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
