Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
