Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize