Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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