i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
