Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
