Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
