i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
