i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
