I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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