You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
