You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
