There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Be still, my beating vagina.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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