3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
