I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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