I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Randomize
