sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He felt like a one man threesome
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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