somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
