he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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