Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
