My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
