they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Randomize
