If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
