Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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