i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
