apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
