That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
