sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
