she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
