You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
