I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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