just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
