I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
