cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
