His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
