Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
