The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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