i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
