is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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