Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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