I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
