ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
