you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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