im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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