They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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