Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
