Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
