i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
