I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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