that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
