At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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