her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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