and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
