ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
