he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
