Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Randomize
