I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
