Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
