I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
